Turning Negative Self-Talk into POWERFUL Self-Talk
I have found that when you ask questions to yourself, your unconscious mind gives you answers.
By doing this, you have to consciously ask yourself well-composed questions.
According to University of Queensland, with its study of how senses influence the sum of our experiences, the consistent feeding of the conscious mind affects the subconscious mind.
How can I feel more confident at work?
What could I do to help me feel unstoppable?
So even if you don’t know the answer, if you ask the question every day, your brain begins working on that. And one of the easy techniques, especially when you have a problem, let’s say you have a spousal problem or you don’t know if you should quit your job, you don’t know how to handle a conflict, if you simply release it to the universe, ask the question, “How do I improve my marriage?”
Take that question, and write it down where you will see it a few times a day. I’ve seen people put in on their screensaver on their computer, on a post-it note on the dashboard of their car, or on a piece of paper next to the toothpaste. The trick to place it somewhere you’ll see the question every day. You don’t have to work on the question or the solution. Just see it. Read it. Let it sit in your mind and percolate.
So here’re some examples, “How can I pay off my debt quickly? How can I double my income? What’s the fastest way I can attract $5000 dollars?”
Do you see how these questions are useful, and direct your mind in finding multiple answers?
They are well-crafted, linguistically-clever questions which pre-suppose that an answer is possible, and allow your brain to work on finding answers.
In my life, I simply pick one question on an index card, and I place it on my bathroom mirror. So, I read it at least twice a day.
Don’t put 20 questions on 20 index cards on your bathroom sink; you’ll overwhelm yourself. What happens if you have 20 stickers and notecards?
Your brain will begin to simply not see them anymore. You will stop reading them because your brain has a hard time handling 20 different bits of information at the exact same time. Just choose one question a day, and keep that question active until your brain has had time to come up with some creative solutions. I’ve seen people use the same question for one day, one month, even one year.
You can put one question in the kitchen and one at your office desk. I’m suggesting that you just don’t overdo it.
Here are some more questions which you might find useful…?
“How can I make a million dollars? How can I experience more freedom while earning money?”
Notice that these questions are very well-phrased. The structure of the question is the key.
The Structure of a Well–Crafted Question
Don’t create a question which results in internal criticism.
Avoid questions like, “How come I’m fat?”
If I say “How come I’m fat”, what answers will I get? My brain will give me many reasons why I’m fat. What’s worse, the reasons I get from the sentence structure pre-suppose and confirm the belief that I am fat. Not empowering.
So why don’t you ask, “Why am I broke?”. There is a reason this in empowering question.
Your inner voice might respond with comments like “Because you’re lazy or … Because you’re untalented.” These are answers which are not empowering. Inner talk like this leads to depression and hesitation. In many cases, it begins to erode a person’s self-esteem. None of this is helping you find solutions to your financial problems. The focus becomes the problems, not the solutions.
The key to a good question is wording it in a specific language structure which creates a “solution frame”.
Again, don’t ask a question which results in negative answers. There is a time and place for looking at your life through a lens of authenticity and brutal honesty. Evaluating any bad habits and working to change them can be useful. The Magic Question technique is not that time. If you drink too much or don’t exercise, you probably already are aware of these non-optimal habits. Instead of dwelling on these short-term bad habits, you can reframe these issues into Magic Questions while focusing on solutions, not rehashing the problem.
The goal of this chapter is to easily recognize a well-crafted Magic Question, which only has good answers or great answers that empower you.
So what I’d like you to do is read the list of questions below and decide whether or not they are effective and useful questions.
Why do I keep spending all my money?
Why do I have no self-control?
Why can’t I get a raise?
Are these good questions? Yes? No?
Those are terrible questions!
In fact, you will notice all of the above questions start with ‘why’. In general, I avoid questions with ‘why’ and you should, too. While there might be a question that contains the word ‘why’, which will be empowering, in general you could replace the ‘why’ with ‘how’ and create an even better question.
For example, you could write down “Why am I so awesome?” This is not a bad question. It pre-supposes that you are awesome. Your brain looks in the now and in the past to find reasons why you are, indeed, so awesome. However, part of the inherent brilliance of a well-crafted Magic Question is for your brain to look in the now and the future. The future is where you can make changes and improve. I would coach this person to change the question to “What can I do today to be even more awesome?”
Granted, this is a silly question, which you might not find yourself using. But it illustrates the point quite well. As a general rule, avoid ‘why’ questions.
So let’s identify some “good” and “bad” questions.
Why am I always failing? Bad
Why can’t I get a raise? Bad
Why am I not taller? Bad
Why am I so fat? Bad
How can I easily pay off this debt? Good
How sexy do I look today? Good
How sexy is my husband? Good
How much fun are we having? Good
Why can’t I ever get ahead in life? Bad
Why is my relationship so miserable? Bad
Why don’t I have enough money? Bad
How can I find enough money? Good
How much fun will it be to be rich? Good
Now you get it. Do you see the difference?
What steps do I need to take to start my own business now? Good
How easy would it be to get a $10,000 raise in my income this year? Good
What are my best options for earning extra money? Good
Now, write some questions on a piece of paper and evaluate the quality of the questions. What area of your life did you decide to work on; money, career, love?
Ask a question related to your relationship. Write it down. Make it empowering. If you find a great question, make two or three variations on that same question.
Here are some examples:
• How do I get my ideas heard and adhered to?
• What can I do to transform the lives of my loved ones, and help them to grow and progress as individuals?
• How can I get more money by working less?
• How can I enrich the lives of others, while enriching my life at the same time?
• How can I excel in my career, and have the time, freedom, money and opportunities to see the world?
• How can I get to be the healthiest and fittest that I have ever been?
So, basically it’s just “How can I be the healthiest, how can I be the happiest, how can I have the most energy, what foods can I eat?”
• How can I be a money-magnet?
• What are the great opportunities and investments for me now?
Nice. What are the great opportunities?
Or what investments or great opportunities, either way you want to do that. Okay? So here is what I would do to wrap up this section to make it incredibly useful for you
One of the best few questions for feeling more confidence
and boosting one’s self esteem is as follow:
What’s attractive about me today?
Which part of my life is really working well?
What is really special and unique about me?
How beautiful is my spirit?
How much value to I bring to the life of others.
The author, Bart Baggett, suggests that you only ask ONE QUESTION per day and repeat it numerous times. This process will stimulate your unconscious mind to find answers to these empowering questions.
(This article is taken from chapter 9 of the book The Magic Question-How to Get What You Want in Half the Time by Bart Baggett.)
The Magic Question: How to Get What You Want in Half the Time
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